Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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