You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
