Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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