I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so let's talk penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
