Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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