I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
