The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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