ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
