she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
