so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
