Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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