I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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