I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
