Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
