you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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