Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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