dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
