I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
