talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
two words...techno handjob
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
