grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
