Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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