mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are we still banned from the library?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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