I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
