Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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