Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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