I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
