Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
