Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
