"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
