God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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