what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize