Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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