I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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