Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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