making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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