i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
