I wish I could teleport
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
