I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
