You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
