i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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