remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
