it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
