He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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