im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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