Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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