Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
