His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
