we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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