And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
