yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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