but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
