I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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