I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize