I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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