My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
