so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
