somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize