i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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