It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
