I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
