look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
