im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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