google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
