So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
