how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
