I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
