My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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