I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
