I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
