im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
