i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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