Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
