When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
