How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
