And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
