Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize