I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
