I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
