he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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