So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
