you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
