I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
